Never Eat Alone: Mixed Messages

By Jay Choi
Staff Writer

Book Review

Do you need to read a book on how to develop community? Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone, believes that the secret to getting ahead in life is in reaching out to other people and using the power of relationships in a way that everyone wins. Based on the responses to his best-selling book, people either believe his work is extremely helpful or horribly self-promoting and merely stating the obvious. As a future health professional of hopefully the same level of success and fame as Olive from the movie, Little Miss Sunshine (a lofty goal, but we must all shoot for the stars), I decided to read the book and see what I could glean from it.

The book starts off on the wrong foot. In the first chapter, Ferrazzi welcomes you into “the club,” where apparently people value having a Palm full of contacts they can call upon when needed. He mentions that beyond support, his friends offer care and love but it seems more of an editorial aside and definitely of lesser importance to the direction of the book.

Amid the mixed messages between what is stated and what is implied, helpful suggestions do exist. One example is developing a personal mission and surrounding yourself with people who will support you. His analogy of Japanese carp that grow to the size of their environment is a beautiful one – especially in contrast to the title of the chapter, “Build it before you need it,” which implies that relationships are valued foremost for their utility over personal worth and significance. Other suggestions include not keeping score for favors rendered because, “exercising equity builds equity.” I hope I can remember that pearl when someone asks me why I went into medicine.

Therein lies much of the difficulty I have with the book. For readers who are result or outcome driven – or those who are consumed by a goal, pursuing relationships and exercising the mini-strategies proposed by this book is an excellent means to an end. These readers will appreciate the advice on how to make a cold call and manage the gatekeepers of important people. The chapter on making small talk is surprisingly helpful regardless of your outlook on life. But for others who view professional and personal ambitions as part of a bigger experience, the book can quickly become offensive in its limited vision.

Despite the mixed messages and limited applicability to some health-profession situations, I can say that the book probably has some utility to all readers. Ferrazzi’s strength is his ability to state things that are obvious yet difficult to put into practice. For example, he advises that quality of time spent with someone is more meaningful than quantity. I feel slightly ridiculous writing such a banal statement but my own clinic experiences with patients reveal an inadequacy which can be improved. If life is really more than a series of accomplishments and averting disasters, then re-learning what it means to value sincere relationships is important – even if it means reading this book.

Jay Choi is a second-year medical student.