Not a Typical Mexican Restaurant – Unfortunately

By Nolan Caldwell
Staff Writer

Puerto Alegre (reviewed March 5, 2009)
546 Valencia Street
2 stars (out of 5)
(415) 255-8201

Always the burrito lover, I headed to the Mission to try a burrito at Puerto Alegre. Upon initial evaluation, this restaurant was quite different from what I was expecting. When I think of the Mission and food, I think of dingy Mexican restaurants with delicious, diabetes-inducing food. Puerto Alegre, however, had what appeared to be a maitre’d, who took our party’s number and after a 15-minute wait directed us to our table.

When I noticed the fully stocked bar with two girls mixing drinks in Coyote Ugly fashion I had to question, is this a REAL Mexican restaurant? My friends told me the restaurant was packed on the weekends and there are huge lines, so the food must be amazing.. right? There was chips and salsa at the table, although it felt more like an appetizer you might order at the Sizzler instead of the chips I am used to stuffing my face with at most Mexican joints.

When our two burritos arrived (one chicken and one beef = $8.95 each…Expen$ive), they were smothered with a red sauce I was not expecting. Upon biting into this mild-sized meal I understood that the sauce is to make up for the incredibly dry and flavorless filling. The chicken burrito tasted exactly like the beef: horrible. No seasoning, flavor, or any semblance of ethnic “flare” was left on my taste buds from this drab sustenance.

The service was not as bad as the food, although I got the feeling our waitress did not like us very much as she overheard my disdain for the meal. I couldn’t help but ask my friend who was with me, “Why do people ever come here instead of El Farolito’s?” He shrugged his shoulder, but together we looked around the room at the other patrons and tried to make sense of this mystery.

Thick rim glasses… mohawk… black clothes… Large Gauge earrings… AHA! This establishment may be a “Mexican Restaurant” but in reality it is simply a trendy, and I guess hip, hang-out location.

In addition to the “cool” attire of the patrons, most were drinking one of Puerto Alegre’s margaritas, which we did not sample. Maybe it is the drinks that brings all the boys to the yard, because it certainly is not the food.

In summary, if you are looking for a trendy “Daria meets Speedy Gonzales” establishment this place is for you. If you are looking for an amazing Mexican burrito, stick to El Farolito.