Incoming students overwhelmed by plethora of cheap housing

UCSF’s newest class of students recently arrived from all over the country to start a life in one of the United States’ most iconic and popular cities. As in previous years, students were pleasantly surprised to discover the abundance of affordable housing options in the city.

Larry Benavides, an incoming medical student, was thrilled to find that the media’s portrayal of an expensive San Francisco was greatly overhyped. “I’ve only had to add $20,000 dollars in debt to pay for housing this year. Just a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of tuition! Considering the double digit increase in rent prices for the past three years, I expected things to be much worse.”

“Since I’m already loaded with tens of thousands of dollars of undergraduate debt, I couldn’t get a loan to pay for living space here,” said new graduate student Max Hopper, “But I did some research and found a nice guy who only required the working labor of my firstborn child. I’m downright lucky.”

Mounting debt was also a concern for Heather Rhoma, an incoming Nursing student. Fortunately, Heather found nine other students in similar circumstances. “We pooled our resources together to get a small studio. I have 25 square feet all to myself. It’s a dream, really. Couldn’t ask for more.”

Outside the University, SF residents have clamored for more affordable housing options. Government officials have requested patience on the matter and encourage locals to remember that compared to Monaco and the International Space Station, the cost of living in SF is very reasonable.