The Phd program sucks the life out of me,
It’s like jumping on a treadmill and not being able to get off it,
I finish one thing, and here comes the next and the next,
And it just never f***ing stops.
I get lost in the motions of the treadmill, and I kind of get a high from each major assignment completed, and I go after the next high and on and on.
And then the sadness visits me,
I realize how disconnected I am from loved ones
I haven’t seen my friends in a long time, I know a little about what’s happening thanks to Facebook and Instagram.
And then come finals, and shit hits the fan,
I get a f***ing yeast infection which refuses to go away due to the chronic stress levels
I find there are mice in my unit, so I call a pest control company which ain’t cheap by the way.
On top of that, I’m at risk of eviction, so I call the Eviction Defense Center who tells me the 60 day notice is unlawful.
I feel a sense of relief that I don’t have to move out.
Last class comes around and I feel exhausted as fuck
I feel like crying and giving up at least every other day.
And then Kobe from pest control comes over to check out the situation and the camaraderie between us give me a little bit of hope.
Bonita looks at me, asking “when are you going to finish and take me out to play?”
So I take them to the dog park and bump paths with a nice older woman and we talk
When we get back, I decide I need a beer to relax, so I drink and that inspires me to finish that fucking paper due in 7 days.
My mom calls me, asks how I’m doing, and I tell her its hard as fuck, I just want to give up.
Regardless I continue and I remember what Kobe told me, that good things don’t come easily.
I take one more sip of the beer, and I’m like “I got this”
I close my eyes and imagine what it’s going to be like when I turn in that f***ing final and can take a break before the next quarter.
Phd, you are too much often.