Burnt Out

Wednesday 7pm I was lying in bed in pain

Burnt out, digestive system screaming

I wished I could rest or focus but I could do neither

Friday 1.30pm my brain slowly shutting down

Blank

Overwhelmed

Body too heavy to move but the Shuttle seamlessly transported me to Mission Bay and I took a walk with a friend by the bay

Saturday 6.30pm already too tired to be awake

How much can we carry

The weight of the world

Sunday 2pm caffeine throbbing in my head

It was already a de-caf with more than half of the French press undrunk

Productivity goals souls thesis of our endeavor

Where and how to reach 

7pm Cabin 8 Stinson Beach fireplace glowing under the dim fairy lights

Rustic wooden cabin with new friends, ocean view, waves crashing, fire crackling, signal null

Good to be in the present with real people, disconnected electronically

What is safety and connection in this digitalized world

So exhausted by the different boxes and good to be melting in the evening coziness feeling spontaneous and unpretentious

9.30pm winding down grateful to be able to fall asleep at this carefree hour again

I remembered the waves to be rather overpowering last time

This time it’s a faint lullaby 

Sitting on the rock watching the sunset over the ocean

The golden path towards the sun

As if we could reach it only if we chose to walk on it

The sun palace

The golden dance 

7.30am this morning sitting on the beach, cold, hoodie up, guitar playing, gazing out into the waves

What is alive at this moment?

Flow away

Not that everything will be okay necessarily

But step by step we will get there