SAM: Why should I be the one to back down? Jamie knows very well that I am right. There is no way that Jamie can think that I am being the unreasonable one today. Can’t Jamie see how deep a spiral this fight sends me into? I can’t tell you enough how horrible it feels when your partner implies that you are holding them back. No. I can’t go and talk and make things right with Jamie. I won’t. Not today.
JAMIE: I hate Sam! Okay, I probably don’t. Even though I don’t say it out loud that often, Sam is the love of my life. I don’t hate Sam. But that doesn’t mean I have to be okay with Sam being pissed off at me for understanding something I said in a way that I never meant. I never said that Sam was wasting my time. All I meant was that watching that silly cat video now was not getting me any closer to finishing my assignment due in two days. I paced back and forth in my tiny room, as I often did when frustrated. I could picture Sam doing the same thing in the other room.
SAM: Walking around helps me think. Even though thinking is the last thing that I should be doing right now. My mind is my worst enemy, and I sometimes hate it. I wanted it to slow down. I walked towards my bedroom window and perched on the windowsill, staring out into the cold night. I was hurt when Jamie told me that the cat video was distracting. I was angry that I was called out for wasting Jamie’s time when all I was trying to do was calm Jamie down. I knew Jamie was stressed, and I only wished to guide this stress out gently. Jamie worked two part-time jobs while also being a student. All I wanted was for Jamie to relax. But instead, I got both of us riled up and walking around in different rooms.
JAMIE: I should probably go and talk to Sam. I slowed down and sat in the bean bag I had kicked aside in frustration half an hour ago. Like the air farting out of the old bean bag as I lowered my weight onto it, my anger towards Sam seemed to leak out of me too. I know that Sam meant well. I, indeed, was getting stressed with each incoherent paragraph I was typing out. I could see that my report was heading steadily toward an F. I probably let that show in my face as I was working. If anybody could read me like a book, it was Sam. I often used to think that it had to do with Sam’s job. A psychiatric social worker who dealt daily with people who were at different points of the mental health spectrum had to be good at reading people. But no. After three years of being together, I know that Sam read me differently. I knew that I’d never been read like that either. Sam read more than just my face.
SAM: I should probably go and talk to Jamie. I should have asked how Jamie was feeling. It is presumptuous to just try and distract someone like they were a 3-year-old with no attention span, even if they have the humor of one. I should have been more mindful of how Jamie felt, too. Jamie doesn’t usually snap at anyone like that. Patience was one thing about Jamie I always admired. Jamie could teach my dad how to save a contact a thousand times. Jamie could watch as I made the same mistake again and again on the piano. If Jamie exploded like that now, it had to be because of how stressful the assignment was. Even though it made me feel bad, I now realize it wouldn’t have felt good for Jamie, either. Maybe it came across as though I was trivializing Jamie’s problems. I wasn’t, even though it might have felt that way. Jamie probably didn’t mean that I was an obstruction. It might have felt that way, but it wasn’t.
JAMIE: I felt bad now. “Two cats meowing at each other is the last thing I want to see right now, Sam!” – said angrily was not a good response. It was not good, especially when Sam only wanted to cheer me up. Sam showed love by making me laugh. That had always been the case. I still remember how much I laughed during our first date. How much I laughed when Sam came up with funny names for a rude coworker of mine. I shouldn’t have snapped. Not like that. Not to Sam. Also, not when I thought that the cats in the video were cute. The morning Sun dazzled me through the tiny window. I must speak to Sam. I must apologize. As I rose heavily from the bean bag, I felt lighter than I did when I had sat down on it a few minutes ago. I made my way towards Sam’s room.
SAM: I must speak to Jamie. I must apologize. At that moment, I wanted to see Jamie so badly. The prospect of making up lifted my spirits. The darkness of the night didn’t seem as depressing as it did a few minutes ago. Just as I was about to get off the windowsill and walk towards Jamie, the phone I had tossed haphazardly earlier rang from my bed. I picked it up to see Jamie’s name on the screen. I was ecstatic. I picked up the phone, itching to hear the voice of the love of my life.
JAMIE: I heard the same word echo back to me as I spoke into the phone. “Sorry”. We both laughed and took turns to confess to overreacting. It was a cute meme, after all. We both verbalized why we did what we did, and it amazed me for the hundredth time how well we knew each other. I was even more amazed at how we had always gravitated back to each other despite all the fights we had, despite not being together in person, and despite the thousands of miles between us. More fights would come, and tougher ones at that. But I knew we would be okay. As long as we met each other like we did today. As long as we met halfway.
